You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
