But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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