i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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