It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Randomize
