i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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