We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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