just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
