I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
