Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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