She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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