Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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