I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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