it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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