this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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