i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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