just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
