Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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