May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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