Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
