I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We're too hungover to prance.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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