What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He passed out mid-signature
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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