sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
