you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
