I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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