Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
