dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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