we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
