I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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