I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
