White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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