and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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