she was so not down for the gang bang
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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