I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
