I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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