im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
