Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize