oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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