you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
