Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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