Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
