I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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