lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
