so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
