Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
