boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
