suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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