apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
