Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
