btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
