i don't plan on having that self control this summer
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
