New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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