This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
