Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
