Don't make out with my wife yet
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
