some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
