Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
