So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
