The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
