Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
