Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
