i jhust puked up my retainher.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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