Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize