i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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