I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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