Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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