I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
