Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
