absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
