it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
