I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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